Oxfam

Take my arms I tell Oxfam

Wore my heart on my sleeves

and they no longer fit me

If clothes maketh man

Turn me into frying pan

But don’t you dare give me eggs

No repairs or legs

I want nothing to do with being a woman

My fancy pants went to waste

Drank too much and was off my face

Pissed on the side of a Barclays Bank

This little black dress I killed in

The pigeon must not have seen me

Flew right into my chest

I thought you’ve seen planet earth

So just compress then rebirth

Turned the poor bastard into a goujon

There’s more in the bag so I’ll move on

Missy here used to fit like a glove

The year there were rumours

The werewolf and vampire fell in love

Burnt a hole in my pocket

For these cowboy boots

Maybe you’ll get em

to someone they’d better suit

My mum laughed when I put them on

She said, “Jesus, God

Who are you meant to be?”

I looked at her with a somber nod

And said, “Anyone, anyone, anyone but me.”

Bursting at the seems

I bought this though it’ll

Go nice with a pair of jeans

Don’t even know the player

Definitely don’t support the team

Put a sock in it I’m not done

Wore my birthday suit and this tiara

Nothing special you could get it cheap

From River Island, Next or Zara

If the shoe could fit

I’d give you all my toes

Now I’ve given you my woes

I’m off to buy a bunch of new clothes.

by Madina Arisekola Alao